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A pair of biologists are studying terns on a rock island just off the coast. While walking on a distant part of the island, they are shot at by a group of thugs operating a pot farm. This happens several times and the local law enforcement refuses to investigate.
On their last day on the island they happen into a huge pile of harvested grass that has been set out to dry. Quickly they decide to set it on fire to pay the thugs back for shooting at them. The fire takes off and sends plumes of smoke into the sky. As they are running for their boat, they notice that the soaring birds are acting weird, spiraling out of control and crashing into the trees.
The next day they read the headlines in the local paper:
Pot Farm Burns - No Tern Left Unstoned.
A wildlife biologist crew leader has several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews camped and worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair every few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them a visit.
"Is anything funny going on here"? he asked.
"What do you mean by that?" the pair asked back.
"I mean, you're not getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you know, maybe doing something you're not supposed to do?"
"Absolutely not!" the Jim replied. " We are strictly co-workers"
"Oh yes," the Sarah replied, " We hike all day, record our data, return back, and fall asleep exhausted.
"That's right!" Jim replied, "and me in my tent, and she in hers!"
The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in the field with the pair. He left the field early, returned to camp, retrieved his Jeep and left the area.
The following day, the biologist pair had lost their $1000 GPS unit. They searched high and low, but could not find it. It had simply disappeared from their camp. After a few frantic days, they suspected that the crew leader had taken it. It was the only plausible explanation. That evening, they called him on the 2-way radio, and politely asked weather he may have inadvertently taken the unit.
"As a matter of fact, I did take it the day I came up to see if you two were sleeping together. After realizing I had accidentally taken it with me from the field, I placed it in Sarah's sleeping bag where she would be sure to find it!"
Dan had been studying whales for over 20 years and had made some thrilling breakthroughs regarding their communication. He had managed to decode many of their underwater sounds and to translate them into English. His latest research had proved that they can communicate over a distance of 300 miles. When asked what could they possibly have to say at such distances he replied,
"As best as we can figure, it is something like - Hey, can you hear me now?
Ben was assigned a new wildlife technician and she was driving him crazy. She was blonde and pretty and insisted on carrying beauty products in a little field bag - nail polish, hair care products, gels, creams and so on.
One day they were driving the rugged four-wheel drive down a dirt road when a big rabbit ran in front of them and was hit by the truck. Ben pulls over and walks back to the dead rabbit. He felt terrible, but there was clearly nothing he could do for the dead creature.
His blonde partner pipes in and yells, "Waite, I have just the thing!"
She races back to the truck and begins to rifle through her beauty products. Ben watches as brushes and combs fly from the bag. Finally she races back with an aerosol can and sprays the dead rabbit with it's contents. Immediately the rabbit springs to its feet, waves goodbye, hops a few feet, pauses and waves again. The rabbit repeats this strange behavior...wave-hop-wave-hop, until it disappears over the hill.
Ben is amazed and asks, "What in the world is in that can?"
The blonde biologists says, " Duh...look at the label"
You guessed it....
"Hair Spray .... Immediately revives dead hair and creates a permanent wave"
A logger is driving down the highway and sees two botanists trying to measure the height of a small pine tree. Their tape measure is not long enough so one botanist stands on the shoulders of the other and attempts to extend the tape to the tree top but it is not long enough. While trying, he falls to the ground. They attempt this about five times and each time the top botanist falls. The logger is laughing but feels sorry for the pair, gets out of his truck, takes out an electric saw and cuts down the tree. The botanists are looking at him like he is crazy. He then takes a tape measure and measures the tree. "OK guys, the tree is 14' 6." He then gets in his truck and drives away. The two botanists are stunned and speechless. Finally one says to the other ,"How do you like that, we are trying to measure the height of the tree and that stupid jerk measures the width."
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