Biologist jokes

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Garvin the mammalogist, was in Alaska studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather, he would spend 7 days out on the ice. But, after his 7 days in the field, he would return to the small town and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the only bar in town.

On one particular day it was 40 below zero and Garvin made his way into the bar. He asked Bud, the bartender, for a whiskey.

"I don't know, Garvin, you sure have run-up a big bill in here." The bartender told him.
" I know," Garvin replied, "But I'm flat broke, and I sure could use a drink.
"OK," The barkeep told him, "I'll just write your tab down on the piece of paper and pin it up here by the coat rack."
"Oh no, don't do that, I don't want everyone in town to see it.
"Don't worry," The bartender replied, "I'm going to cover it up with your parka until its paid!"

Rating: 2.0 |

An 8th grade boy was doing some research for his career report at school. He asks his dad, "Father, how many wildlife biologists work for the Federal Government?"

"The honest father replies, "Oh, I would say at least half of 'em."

Rating: 1.6 |

A University had advertised for two biologists to help in their mammalogy department, specifically with a group of captive grizzly bears. They had only two applicants - a beautiful young women biologist and an older male biologist.

The mammalogist in charge of the project knew that not everyone can handle working with such fierce creatures so he decided to test their skills with the bears. The two hopefuls followed him out to the bear pen. He first asked the young women to show him what she could do.

She entered the cage, stripped down to her bikini, and the largest bear walked up and nuzzled her bare legs.

The astonished mammalogist then said to the old man, "Can you
do that?"

"You're darn right I can," said the old man, "just get that bear out of there first !"

Rating: 3.0 |

A wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. He's camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp.
"Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around the bend and we've seen you camped here. We didn't know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen all this scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?"
" Sir, I'm not a vet, I'm a wildlife biologist," the young biologist told the worried man.
"Can you please just have a look at him, I'll pay you anything you need. I just need to know. If he's still alive, maybe I can rush him into town."
"Ok, put him here on the table." The young biologist looks the limp dog over, but its plain that the dog is dead,, no pulse or signs of breathing.

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid poor Willie is dead."
"No, I can't believe that..... It can't be true...are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm quite sure."
"I just can't believe that....With all this equipment, isn't there something you can do? I must be absolutely sure."
The biologist called his big yellow cat over to the table. The cat walked around the dead dog, occasionally sniffing at the carcass. He then looks up at the biologist and let out a few weak meows.
"Well, the cat say he's dead. Does that assure you?"
"No, I need more than that...Do you have anything else?"
The biologist calls over his big black dog. The dog circles the body a few times, sniffing it every now and then. After a few moments, the dog barks at the biologist.
"Well, now the dog says he's dead. That's all I can do for you sir."
"OK, well I guess its true. I'll take him back and bury him...How much do I owe you?"
"It'll be $650 bucks." The biologist tells the old man.
"What??", replied the old man, "How can you charge that much??!!"
"Well sir, I could have told you he was dead for only a dollar, but you're the one that insisted on the cat scan and the lab tests!"

Rating: 3.6 |

A young biologist was sitting on a stump at the edge of their camp. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. One of the other biologists saw his sad looks and asked, "What's the matter?"

The young biologist said, "They put me in the same tent with old Doctor Perkins. He snores all night, takes a bath once a month, and talks non-stop about back when he studied passenger pigeons. He's so damn old, I think he was a lackey for Charles Darwin. He generally just makes my life Hell. We had a big fight about it and they split us up for a month"

The older biologist said, "That should make you happy."

The young biologist sadly shook his head and said, "Not when the month is up today!"

Rating: 1.4 |

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